Love The Way You Lie
by DarkPrincess-Adidas
Summary: A fantasy, whether good or bad, is still a fantasy.
1. Love The Way You Lie

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VIII, if I did, things would have ended a lot differently. Also I do not own Love the Way You Lie. That's all Eminem and Rihanna.

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_**~*~*~*~*~*~*Love The Way You Lie*~*~*~*~*~*~**_

* * *

_Just gonna stand there  
And watch me burn  
But that's alright  
Because I like  
The way it hurts  
Just gonna stand there  
And hear me cry  
But that's alright  
Because I love  
The way you lie  
I love the way you lie  
I love the way you lie_

She bit her bottom lip hard, wincing at the sting before releasing her bruised flesh from her teeth.

_Hyne, anything but this again._

She slid down the wall trying to focus on the pain so she wouldn't let the tears escape. She wouldn't let him win by seeing them fall… this time.

She wouldn't let him know how much he had hurt her, yet again.

He had enough evidence of that without having to see her emotional pain.

She hit the floor hard and threw her head back forcefully knocking it against the wall. How could she be so stupid to keep doing this? What was wrong with her?

Her arms wound themselves around her knees, pulling them towards her chest, her chin resting on top. She could hear him throwing something, a low thud before a loud crash. She winced burying her head into her hands.

Do not cry, do not cry, _do not cry._

He was coming closer now, his obscene curses growing louder, the knocking down of walls more dominant, their home falling apart around them.

A single tear fell. She shook her head hard and pulled her knees closer, tighter.

_Please, just let me become invisible… Just once, let him not see me…_

His heavy footsteps so close she could feel the floor vibrate beneath her. She squeezed her eyes shut tight, waiting for the last string to be cut.

Just… waiting for her world to completely stop…

How… why… had it come to… _this?_

What had she done wrong?

How could she… they, deserve this?

Why… Hynedamnit why?

She clasped her hands behind her head her fingers tangling in her hair before tugging harshly.

Funny, she had asked herself all of these same questions…last time…

A chair went through a window so close by she could feel the cold air rush in before she heard the crash.

She could hear the soft tinkle of the glass as it landed, could feel the brush of the small pieces like sharp dust fall all around her.

She let out a sharp gasp before inhaling a soft whimper.

So much pain. For the both of them.

She slowly lifted her head. Her eyes wide, not frightened, just… remorseful, staring in front of her, refusing to glance sideways.

The cursing stopped, the pounding stopped. The heavy, angry footfalls… stopped.

She could hear his ragged breathing. The harsh intakes and the wheezing exhales.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see him standing there, his fists clenched tight, knuckles white.

She let out a slow sigh, raising her head up before letting it fall back against the wall with a soft thump. She closed her eyes and tilted her head opposite of him.

Hyne, the pain… Was this what the end felt like?

Was he just going to stand there and watch her fall apart?

The hated tears slowly began to fall… Leaving wet unwanted paths down her swollen cheeks…

_I can't tell you what it really is  
I can only tell you what it feels like  
And right now there's a steel knife  
In my windpipe  
I can't breathe  
But I still fight  
While I can fight  
As long as the wrong feels right_

_It's like I'm in flight  
High of a love  
Drunk from the hate  
It's like I'm huffing paint  
And I love it the more that I suffer  
I suffocate  
And right before I'm about to drown  
She resuscitates me  
She fucking hates me  
And I love it_

Why am I doing this?

Why can't I stop?

I'm leaving this path of destruction everywhere I turn.

Hyne, I hate to see her cry. But this anger, this betrayal…

_Fuck_…

I didn't mean for it to go this far, but now I… can't stop…

She didn't even bother to ask me how I felt before she just came to a conclusion and bottled it up inside.

Didn't she know it was hurting me as well?

Did she even care?

The fuck! I thought we were stronger than this.

Guess I was wrong, wouldn't be the first time.

Like shoving my fist into this wall is so wrong, but damn it's better than being aimed at her.

_Bam._

When will this rage die down?

_Shove, bang, bam, crash_

Fuck it, if this is it, I might as well tear this whole mother fucker down with me.

Can't handle the memories anyway.

Where did she run to now?

Hell, do I even care?

She couldn't stand up to me for me, then who gives a shit if she's huddled in some little corner crying.

Fuckin' pathetic.

I can't believe she's doing this again.

Pushing all my buttons, pressing at the wrong issues, bringing up the past like she knows something about it.

Fuck her.

Who needs this shit?

Hynedamn.

I remember just yesterday we were happy, kissing over there, sitting in that chair her in my lap.

Didn't have a care except for if the damn thing would hold up our weight, and if it could stand the pressure if we made love on it…

So happy… happy in love. Couldn't wait to get her out of those shorts, to just hold her close, feel her heart beat.

I knew it couldn't get any better than that, never have that feeling again of being complete.

Fuck it. Fucked up memory, cause all the while she was sitting there holding me, she was thinking bout that bullshit, doubting me the whole time.

What the hell? Does she think I'm not man enough to take it?

If I could take her in that chair then I can take her drama bullshit, but what does she do…..

Fuck, I don't care, just that chair needs to get the hell outta here.

I can't stand to see that lying piece of shit anymore.

_Clank, crash, bang, clink, clink, clink _

There, that's better now, I can think just a little bit clearer.

Look at all that broken glass, just like us.

Shattered over that stupid chair.

Damn, there's that picture of me and her, just last year.

We were the perfect pair.

See how beautiful she looks?

What the hell happened to that girl?

How'd she become this shell I'm up against now? The fuck am I doing here?

How could she let this shit come between us?

Fuck.

Did I do it?

Did I push her away…

Damn, can this get any more confusing?

I can't take this no more, I'm headed out the door..

Shit there she is…

What do I do?

What can I say now?

Now she's standing up, walking towards the door…

_Wait_

_Where you going?_

She glances back at him, her eyes full of anguish, how could he not know?

He's killing her, she's breaking right here in front of him,

_I'm leaving you_

Is this panic I'm feeling?

Why can't I breathe?

Did she just say what I think she did?

Oh fuck no, she doesn't get to be the one to walk away…

_No you ain't_

_Come back_

Her eyes widen as she stares at the door in disbelief, her hand over the knob, shaking.

Is he really trying to stop her? After what just happened?

She closes her eyes and looks away. The tears fall silently, landing on her hand scalding the skin, yet she feels so cold. She wraps her arms around herself.

She knows exactly what he's thinking…

_We're running right back  
Here we go again  
It's so insane  
Cause when it's going good  
It's going great  
I'm Superman  
With the wind in his bag  
She's Lois Lane_

I… don't know what to do…

She knows I love her more than anything…

But this isn't the first time, she's said those words…

Or I've pushed too far.

But Hyne, it can't get any better than being with her.

Yet, then again…

There are those times. Like that night at the bar, or the time at the tailgate party.

Fuck, she's just too damn beautiful, and hell maybe I'm too insecure…

Are we going right back there again?

To that feeling of…

_When it's bad  
It's awful  
I feel so ashamed  
I snap  
Who's that dude  
I don't even know his name  
I laid hands on her  
I'll never stoop so low again  
I guess I don't know my own strength_

She shivers as she remembers that night. He promised it would never happen again…

She looks up at him for the first time, she stifles a gasp covering her face with her hand before he can see her pain.

She trusted him, believed in him.

And look at how he repaid her.

Smashed her into a million pieces like that window. Shattered her heart, her trust, her love.

Could she really forgive him now? She looks into his eyes but all she sees is the seething rage.

Will he ever really mean it when he promises her that he'll never hit her again?

Does he ever truly want to change?

Is it some way for him to get off and make himself feel stronger?

Or is it cause she stays with him and lets him do it….

He always seems so sincere, so ready to make it up to her.

For the next few weeks, he's her knight in shinning armor. He can't get enough of her, or her of him.

Those are the days where she can feel the magic. Blush at his words, her heartbeat erratic.

He can be so wonderful, so beautiful…

Just to turn right back around and become a monster.

No more excuses, no more beautiful lies.

She turns away from him wipes away a tear right before she reaches for the door and whispers quietly;

_Just gonna stand there  
And watch me burn  
But that's alright  
Because I like  
The way it hurts  
Just gonna stand there  
And hear me cry  
But that's alright  
Because I love  
The way you lie  
I love the way you lie  
I love the way you lie_

Hyne, I really fucked it up this time.

She's really gone now.

I'm here alone in this empty house.

Fuuuuck, I blew it man…

I always knew I could never be good enough.

But over this… This is bullshit.

Why couldn't she just open up?

If she had then the paranoia wouldn't have built up inside of me.

But no, she kept it bottled up deep inside, wanting me to make it right when, shit, I couldn't read her mind.

And then wham, this is what it boils down to.

I've left holes in the wall, a broken window, and somewhere laying there's a busted bottle.

Fuck, wish I could cage my demon, but this rage always gets the best out of me…

I wonder where she's gone now…

Far away if she's smart.

Look at these hands how could I do this to her?

How could I leave a mark on her spirit.

Fuck me, there's glass in my fist.

Why can't I feel the pain?

_You ever love somebody so much  
You can barely breathe  
When you're with them  
You meet  
And neither one of you  
Even know what hit 'em  
Got that warm fuzzy feeling_

She gasps for breath, leaning back against the door.

She places her hand on her chest and realizes it's not moving.

Panicking she grasps the doorknob, opening her mouth to scream for help, unable to make a sound.

How will she be able to live without him? She can't…

She's given him everything. Every piece of her, now belongs to him.

She falls to her knees, burying her head in her shaking hands.

She closes her eyes tight, but all she sees is him.

Standing in front of her, holding out his hand a rose clenched in one fist with a smirk on his full lips… the first day they met.

Even now her stomach jumps at the memory.

Her hand falls from her face to land on her belly where she begins to rub furiously.

Damn butterflies.

Who would've known they would lead her to this place.

Sitting in front of her front door, unable to breath, unable to move, in so much agony…

She leans against the door, praying for support, tired of being frustrated…

Only to fall back as the door swings open…

_Yeah them chills  
Used to get 'em  
Now you're getting fucking sick  
Of looking at 'em  
You swore you've never hit 'em  
Never do nothing to hurt 'em  
Now you're in each other's face_

The fuck?

She's still out here?

Is this some sick joke?

Some way for her to point and laugh?

To triumph in my pain?

Yeah, I'm the one who hit her, but shit, who's the one bleeding?

Not her. Gotta love the fuckin' irony.

I can't help but yell now.

Fuck, was there ever a time we got along?

I know there was, those fucking chills.

The amazing sex.

Those stupid, full of shit, overwhelming feelings…

There was once a time when I would never hurt her.

Before she became a fuckin bitch.

Shit, did I just say that out loud?

Fuck me.

_Spewing venom  
And these words  
When you spit 'em  
You push  
Pull each other's hair  
Scratch, claw, bit 'em  
Throw 'em down  
Pin 'em_

_So lost in the moments  
When you're in 'em  
It's the rage that took over  
It controls you both_

She stares at him in disbelief.

He was the one who started this, he was the one who became violent…

But she….

She's the bitch?

She grinds her teeth, knowing somewhere deep inside that she can't take this.

She feels the snap as her hand flies up out of her control, shoving him back hard.

He stumbles back apparently caught unaware.

She leaps forward, crashing her body into his, reaching up blindly her claws bared.

Grabbing the first thing she feels, she pulls as hard as she can causing him to yowl, bringing her fist down hard and fast, she opens it to see a fist full of hair fall to the ground.

When had she become so violent?

She gasps and releases a trembling sob.

How had she become this?

What had she done…

She feels a calloused hand palm her cheek. A rough thumb gently wiping away the falling tears.

Him, it's his fault. He's the one who has transformed her into this… monster…

She shoves away from him and raises her hand back to let it fly and land on his cheek.

Her hand seems paralyzed and her breath whooshes out in shock.

She looks up to see his eyes widen as he stares at her in… Awe?

Fucking man, to respect her for this.

She feels the anger boiling, steaming from her pores.

Her fingers curve and her nails sink into the smooth skin, her other hand curling around his upper arm, nails biting the flesh.

Her lip curls as he whispers another promise and lifts a blood covered hand to place on her shoulder.

Blood on his hands.

Is this a sign?

Her eyes narrow as he continues to spout his love, his promises, his never agains.

All of them such beautiful words she's been longing to hear.

All of them, such a beautiful lie.

Digging her nails deep into his cheek she moves her hand down in a quick slashing motion, watching fascinated as the blood starts to well up in the scratches left in the wake of her revenge.

She lifts her chin up high in triumph.

Finally, he has a small dose, or at least a taste, of his own medicine.

As they say, all is fair in love and war.

A sadistic smile slowly forms on her lips as she watches his eyes turn dark with rage.

She's sure that her entire body is shaking, convulsing with shock and panic, but she can't feel it…

All she can feel is the blessed cold her small victory has brought.

Even when he pushes her against the wall, all she knows is that she can hear laughter, her laughter, dark and menacing.

His fist raises and falls, she's on the ground now on her hands and knees.

Her shoulders shake as the tears and laughs slowly drain the last of her sanity away.

She feels him shove against her, pushing her over and onto her back.

She looks up at him with tears pouring from her eyes and her body rocking from her desperate laughs.

Oh yes, sweet insanity.

Somehow it makes her feel reassured, to know that she is crazy, that there is semblance of reason to the "whys" and "what's" the consistent questions that seem to be the foundations in her world…

She has clearly lost her mind.

Oh look, his fist is raised again.

She closes her eyes and waits for the inevitable, it's only fair that it should be his turn now…

_So they say it's best  
To go your separate ways  
Guess that they don't know ya  
Cause today  
That was yesterday  
Yesterday is over  
It's a different day  
Sounds like broken records  
Playin' over  
But you promised her  
Next time you'll show restraint  
You don't get another chance  
Life is no Nintendo game_

_But you lied again  
Now you get to watch her leave  
Out the window  
Guess that's why they call it window pane_

Shit I….

Just did it again.

So much for the promise, so much for the never again.

Fuck, she just… attacked me?

And I couldn't take it like a man.

I just hit her, I want to do it again.

Damn, this isn't supposed to be me.

I am not this…

How can I be this?

Fuck, how is she laughing and crying?

How messed up in the head is she?

Why is she moaning… oh fuck I'm crushing her with my weight, she can't breathe.

Hyne be damned.

Where do we go from here?

Fuck she's trying to leave!

I have to block the door to keep her from leaving me again…

Even with the wad of hair in her fist and the blood dripping down my cheek…

Fuck me, maybe I'm as crazy as she is.

The fuck she doin? Climbing out that hynedamn window!

_Just gonna stand there  
And watch me burn  
But that's alright  
Because I like  
The way it hurts  
Just gonna stand there  
And hear me cry  
But that's alright  
Because I love  
The way you lie  
I love the way you lie  
I love the way you lie_

She cries as she climbs out of the window, sliding over broken glass slicing skin in the process. She falls to the ground next to a broken chair. Glancing back in the house she sees the pot on the stove, the fire is still on the water now bubbling as it boils.

How did life go from being so simple one minute to so fucked up the next?

Cooking dinner peacefully to pain blazing, blood falling profusely.

Fuck this. Fuck him. Fuck love…

She stares down at her hands, how did she become this? Inside her heart is breaking, she hears his hoarse voice calling her name gently. She wraps her arms around her waist tightly as the tears fall unmercifully.

Why? Oh God, why does she want to answer his call and see him smile.

Her head is pounding from where he's hit her. She pushes her hair back off her swollen eye and busted lip.

So Hynedamn crazy.

She starts to turn…

_Now I know we said things_

_Did things that we didn't mean_

_And we fall back_

_Into the same patterns_

_Same routine_

_But your temper's just as bad_

_As mine is_

_You're the same as me_

_But when it comes to love_

_You're just as blind_

I… don't know why I'm calling her back, but somehow I know I fucking need her.

I don't care that we just tore each other apart.

Fuck, I just hit her hard.

But damn, she's not a fucking saint either.

Look at my face, proof she's just as bad inside.

I know we're both hotheaded as shit.

Throwing things, yelling, hitting it's all the same as last time.

It hasn't ended but shit, I can't just let her leave like this.

I watch her from the window, fuckin' broken doll, damn she's so gorgeous.

I want her back in my arms, fuck baby just turn around.

Come back inside, let's bleed together…

Try and work through this.

I watch as her shoulders shake her head falls and her feet turn.

Shit, she's… Fuck this is my last chance.

God, let me do this right…

_Baby, please come back_

_It wasn't you_

_Baby it was me._

_Maybe our relationship_

_Isn't as crazy as it seems_

_Maybe that's what happens_

_When a tornado_

_Meets a volcano_

_All I know is_

_I love you too much_

_To walk away though_

_Come inside_

_Pick up your bags off the sidewalk_

_Don't you hear sincerity_

_In my voice when I talk_

_Told you this is my fault_

_Look me in the eyeball_

_Next time I'm pissed_

_I'll aim my fist_

_At the drywall_

She looks up at him with a smile, her heart in her eyes, there are those lies that she loves to hear, there's the words she needed to believe.

She climbs back in through the window and slams her body into his.

She kisses him passionately, fiercely, deciding to give him another try. Another chance for future disappointment, but right now she can't seem to force herself to care. All she needs is him, just this one last time…

_Next time_

_There will be no next time_

_I apologize _

_Even though I know_

_Its lies_

_I'm tired of these games_

_I just want her back_

_I know I'm a liar_

_If she ever tries to fucking leave again_

_I'm a tie her to the bed_

_And set the house on fire…_

My mind is set, this is it, there will be no next time.

I grasp her hair in my fist and pull her back taking in her busted face.

I let her know just how I feel now that she's back.

Fuckin bitch better never try to leave again.

But that's when I hear the sirens.

I panic; fuck did the neighbors hear us?

Two cop cars in the drive, fucking officers with their guns in their fist beating on the door without a flinch.

She's opening up the door, damn this is it.

Before I know it there are cuffs on my wrist.

I'm pushed out the door and towards a car.

I hear her cry and feel my heart clench.

Fucking prick laughs in my ear, I shove him hard and curse in the wind.

I look back one last time and _Fuck_…

The Whole Damn House Is On Fire!

_Just gonna stand there  
And watch me burn  
But that's alright  
Because I like  
The way it hurts  
Just gonna stand there  
And hear me cry  
But that's alright  
Because I love  
The way you lie  
I love the way you lie  
I love the way you lie_

She's down on her knees. No way could this have just happened! Her whole world is on fire, and all she wanted was to be with her liar.

To be continued…..


	2. My Fantasy, My Love

_**Ma Fantaisie, Mon Amour**_

She stared at the cheap wallpaper full of ugly flowers (perhaps they were some kind of mutated orchid?) that covered the walls in the second rate hotel room she had rented earlier for the night.

She shuttered as the heavy door closed behind her as if locking her into the tiny room with some kind of ominous magic.

Shaking her head to rid herself of the childish thoughts she placed the Chinese takeout on the table next to the door before surveying the room once more with a small frown.

The king size bed looked hard and impersonal with its neutral beige comforter and thin pillows. The bathroom was nearly nonexistent, there was barely any room in it for the shower stall and small toilet that looked like it had been designed by dwarfs, but this small room was the most she could afford.

There would be no honeymoon sweet for this reunion but at least it would be private.

No one in this small town knew her and she hoped no one would recognize him.

Unsettled and not entirely sure what to do she glanced at the clock, 4:30.

_Right, two more hours to go._

Butterflies filled her stomach and a small blush rose to her cheeks. Her legs shook unsteadily and she had a sudden sense of nausea.

Crossing the room in a few short strides she sat heavily on the bed, groaning as the stiff mattress made her feel homesick. Well no hope in finding comfort there.

She chewed on her bottom lip as her gaze swerved to the mirror above the small dresser placed across from her and grimaced. Her cheeks were sunk in and the dark bags under her eyes were the most dominant feature on her tired face.

_It could be worse_, she reasoned with herself. She had been waiting on him for 5 years and battling with depression most of that time. Her unhappiness always showed on her face, if no where else, and there was only so much she could do to fix it, if she even felt like fixing it.

She stood up from the bed. after giving up all hope of making herself comfortable, and walked into the closet space that held a sink and a crummy coffee maker.

She picked up the small camouflage bag she had placed on the floor next to the little ironing board in the corner and set it on the counter, sighing she unzipped it and poured the contents out. She picked up a small neutral colored tube and uncapped it. She squeezed a few drops of the ivory liquid on her finger and dabbed it on the bruises under her eyes.

Making eye contact with herself in the mirror, her actions froze and she let out a small gasp.

What if he didn't find her attractive anymore? Her hair was lifeless now, losing its shine and volume long ago, and her clothes bagged on her petite frame that had seemed to shrink even more during his absence.

She frowned; well she wasn't ugly, just… unhappy? But he would change that. He had to. She couldn't continue on the way she had been for the last half decade.

Living without him had been more difficult than even she had imagined and moving on had been out of the question.

She had considered it, after all being alone was not exactly how she had pictured her life, but every time she had been close to accepting some random guys advances she would find something wrong or something that didn't quite measure up to what she had experienced before with _him_.

He had been perfect for her. A broken knight in need of love and as much help as was humanly possible. She had always loved lost causes and he had always been there needling her and irritating her until she took notice of him and realized what it was exactly he needed from her.

That was how it had started, her trying to help fix all the wrong either done by him or to him. When she had finally come to realize how much more she really needed him then he needed her, well…

Her hand dropped from her face and a tiny smile formed on her lips. There, bruises gone. She shifted through a few products and picked up another small tube. She unscrewed this one and lifted the black brush to her eyelashes.

Yes, he had been broken and she had been sure she could heal him. Her theory had been patience and time could fix anything. And she had known him before, he had been so different.

Sure, even then he had been arrogant but he had been caring, she had seen glimpses of it through the years.

He had been intimidating, but he never really hurt anyone unless provoked.

What she had never planned on was falling in love with him, or learning that she needed him almost as much, if not more, than he needed her.

She broke eye contact with the mirror and picked up a Kleenex dabbing quickly under her eye. Damn tears. Damn "waterproof" mascara. Why couldn't it at least live up to its expectations? She threw the dark purple tube into the bag frustrated.

The truth was she hadn't been able to fix him. Or him, her. It seemed as if all her love had done was make his pain worse, which of course in turn hurt her.

The year and a half they had spent together had been the best and worse time of her life. He had been wild and had made her feel wild as well. It was the most carefree she had ever been. She had loved it, had reveled in it.

She had felt young again with him and even though she had seen the pain he tried to hide in his eyes, she had thought that he was happy and moving on. She had foolishly convinced herself that they were healing each other and that they would spend the rest of their lives in the euphoria of their love.

Yet again she had been very wrong.

She picked up a see through bottle and ran the clear lip gloss over her dry lips hoping it would help make her lips a little less dry and give off a little more appeal.

Maybe her problem was she had been trying to fix him. She had been trying to help him forget. Maybe she just wasn't any good at helping people. Maybe she thought he would make up for her failure as an instructor.

Maybe it was the fact that after he had shown her just how broken she was, she had begun to use him selfishly to fix herself.

Maybe it just didn't matter anymore. Whatever she should of, could have done, it didn't matter in the end. He had snapped and ended up in prison again.

A pain of guilt shot through her. She should have done more. She should have prevented the fight.

She shook her head and lifted her gaze defiantly to the ceiling fighting back more tears. Tonight was supposed to be a happy night. She wasn't supposed to cry. She had done enough of that these last five years.

Curled up late at night, cold in bed, alone with her vivid memories, she had what seemed to be no choice but to cry herself to sleep while clinging to the few happy moments she had with him.

None of that mattered anymore.

Tonight he was coming home.

It didn't matter that all of her friends hated him. She knew that for a fact seeing as how they all loved to rant and rave about him to her. Loved to point out all the injustices he had inflicted onto her. They always preached to her about how she needed to move on, to find someone better. What they didn't realize was that to her, there was no one better.

It didn't matter that she was crazy for waiting five years and now in this hotel room for him, especially after what had happened, wishing the time would go by faster so she could finally feel his strength again.

All that mattered was that she still loved him just as much as she did back then.

She picked up a picture that had fallen out of the bag of them at the lake. He had his arm over her shoulder and she was staring up at him in adoration while he looked at the camera, his trademark smirk in place.

She ran a finger down over his face and smiled her first true smile that night. Soon he would be here and he would make everything else fade away.

She picked up the scattered make up and placed it back in the small bag, zipping it and pushing it to the side. She pulled the clip out of hair and watched it fall down her back.

She smiled again as she ran her hand through the locks, fluffing it up as best as she could while wondering what everyone was doing back at home. Were they wondering where she was? Had they figured out that she had gone to be with him? Were they mad? Did they even notice she was gone?

She had become more of a ghost with them lately. They had all been so happy and wrapped up in their own lives that she had felt a bit left out, and yes she hadn't wanted to ruin their go lucky moods with her usual dower one.

Besides if he didn't show, if he hadn't changed, there would be no one around to make her feel worse for wasting away 5 years of her life waiting for someone who would never love her.

Sure they had kept in contact, writing letters back and forth to each other as much as possible. He wrote to her that he was sorry for how he treated her, that losing her had made him realize what he had. That he cared and loved her enough to move on from his past, to let everything go to be happy here with her.

He swore time and again that he would never hurt her. Not anymore, and that he had changed.

She bit her lip and walked back to the bed staring down at the itchy comforter. He never really lost her. She had been there the whole time, writing him back and answering her phone every time he had called. Always promising that she loved him and that she was being good and waiting for him.

So had he really changed?

She knew what the fear was like knowing that you were losing something familiar to you. Was that what he felt? Was he scared he'd lose something familiar and dependable and was using her just to get through those five years?

Did he and would he ever really love her?

Was she just convenient?

Did it really matter? She would take him no matter how he wanted her. If he wanted to use her, she would let him.

She sighed walking away from the bed and over to the little table next to the window where the takeout sat forgotten. She sat down in the small chair and drummed her nails on the table.

_Hyne, I'm pathetic_. She glanced over at the clock on the wall next to the TV.

6:10.

Any minute now, her heart sped up, thumping hard in her chest. She had to remind herself to breathe.

Yes very pathetic. She peeked through the blinds, glancing downstairs at the parking lot. It was still empty as was expected on a Tuesday night.

The dim lights that lit the clear pool and the swaying trees that surrounded the parking lot all seemed to beckon to her, begging her to look even more pathetic and stand outside like an anxious child to wait for him.

Well maybe she should step outside, for a quick smoke. Help calm her nerves and all. There would be no harm or shame in that right?

After all she had rented a non smoking room since he was forced to quit in prison and she had never really liked the habit. But at times like these, she seemed to feel the need for one and she did have a half empty emergency pack she'd had for nearly two years in her purse…

Pulling away from the blinds, decision made, she stood and walked to the small dresser and mirror where her small purse sat and rummaged through it looking for the smashed pack.

She let out a little squeal of glee when she found the Marlboro Lights and her peach colored lighter. She pulled out the smelly cancer stick and placed it between her slick lips and glanced up at herself in the mirror.

She forced down a laugh at the thought of how she looked like one of those glamorous ladies in those old forties movies with a cigarette dangling out of her mouth.

The doorknob turned slowly with a small click and she felt a small breeze on the back of her neck. Startled she swung her gaze from her reflection in the mirror to the now open door her hand flying up to her chest to calm her racing heart.

He stood there, hair shorter than she remembered but his eyes just as bright, a small smirk on his lips as his gaze travelled over her from head to toe.

She quickly swiped the cigarette from her lips a dark blush blooming on her cheeks as she shoved it guiltily back into her bag.

He continued to smirk as he kicked the door shut behind him, while placing a black duffel bag on one of the empty chairs next to the table she had just vacated.

She stared at him hungrily, trying to familiarize herself to the god who stood before her. What was it that she had always heard? Memories never do justice? Boy, were they right.

He had more muscles than she remembered and her mouth watered a little. She swallowed hard as her gaze ran down and over his wide chest and narrow hips. She quickly dragged her eyes back up to his face when she heard his low, smooth chuckle.

"I caught you." He said in that oh so familiar husky voice. Her blush deepened as the thoughts shifted through her head of what she had been thinking as she had looked at those slender hips that were hugged by his dark pants.

"I thought you swore you were never going to smoke." He said amusement clear in his voice.

She laughed nervously, semi relieved that he hadn't been able to hear her thoughts.

"Sometimes even the mighty fall. Besides, I didn't smoke it. That same pack has lasted me for nearly two years."

She glanced down at her hands that were clenching and unclenching the material of her pants. She smoothed them out, running her palms down her sides trying to dry the sweat.

Maybe she should have cranked the air conditioner up to full blast.

He cocked his head to the side as he studied her nervous gestures, his smirk falling from his lips as he noticed just how small she had become, how baggy her jeans looked.

He frowned at her little comment of how "the mighty fall", she had been so beautiful so full of life, at least that's how he remembered her. Now she looked like a shell of what she had once been, had he done this to her?

He took a step towards her and noticed how she flinched. Yes, he had done it. He had caused her to fall. He cursed softly under his breath and looked away from her. Shame filling him as it had done so many times for the last five years.

She looked up at him and smiled weakly at his profile. Hyne, he was still so gorgeous. She felt so small and petite next to him. Something else she had always loved about him.

Along with his smirk, his rough hands, even his tattoos that at first had scared her but not after she knew what it was like to run her tongue over them.

A small shudder ran through her as memories played through her head. She noticed his head fall and his wide shoulders sag at her movement and she frowned.

Did he not find her attractive anymore? Were all her fears true? _Could five years really change that much?_

Silent tears fell from her eyes, sliding down her smooth cheeks; she didn't want to be alone anymore.

She loved him and she wanted him. She couldn't live without him. She wanted to taste him, to hear his rough voice every morning.

Did he not want the same? If he didn't would she be able to find a way to get over him?

She loved him enough to let him go, even if at the mere thought of it her heart felt like it was being stabbed and pulled out from her chest, but would she be able to survive any longer without him? Probably not.

"Maybe… maybe this was a bad idea."

His hoarse voice broke her out of her trance and she looked up into his now dull eyes. He looked as broken as she felt.

_He needs me_ was suddenly all that filled her mind and so she took a step towards him, her hand reaching out to him wanting to comfort him but also longing for physical contact.

"Please" she whispered as her hand connected with the rough cotton that covered his chest and placed it over his heart.

She felt his heart pounding beneath her hand. She closed her eyes tight fighting back the tears as his heat began to pulse through her.

She felt so cold inside, he was the only person ever able to warm her. Somehow she knew that would never change.

Again the question arose, what would she do if he didn't want her? She loved him so much, had placed so much of herself into him that she knew she would waste away without his warmth, his touch.

She bowed her head placing her forehead on his chest next to her hand as the tears began to overflow her eyes faster now, leaking threw her lashes.

She felt a large hand on the small of her back and she shuddered and let out a small gasp as the heat from that hand surged into her. Breaking away more of the ice she had reformed over her heart after he had gone.

He whispered her name and she felt his other hand slide up her side to her cheek, his thumb wiping away the tears.

She inhaled a deep breath taking in his scent of sweat and sandalwood.

So long, it had been so long and so much heartache ago that she felt her knees and legs start to go weak. He must have felt her start to shake because the hand on her back pressed harder, pulling her body fully into his.

She shuddered at the full body contact that had been denied her for five years, her arm wound its way behind his back as the hand that was over his heart slid up his chest to behind his neck. He dipped his head down and kissed her ear through her hair and then moved to her neck pulling her to him as tight as he could.

She let out a deep, heart wrenching sigh. "I've missed you so much." She whispered into his chest, feeling his breath pick up and a small humorless laugh pass from his lips caressing her neck causing goose bumps to cover her skin.

"Not as much as I missed you." He whispered back. She pulled her head away from him a little, to look up into his eyes a small watery smile gracing her shaking lips, "wanna make a bet?" He shook his head and pressed his lips gently over hers, his hand moving from her cheek to the back of her neck underneath her hair.

She slid her eyes closed slowly, not wanting to lose sight of him afraid he might disappear yet falling victim to the heady kiss. She pressed her lips more urgently to his, her hand pulling his head down harder, closer.

She needed him more than anything. Whatever he wanted to give her, she wanted. What he didn't want to give, at the moment, she would take anyway.

Her hand slid from his back to his chest to the bottom of his shirt. She slid her hand underneath the hem and made contact with his bare skin her finger tips tracing over his hard abs. He moaned breaking from the kiss and whispering her name hoarsely into her hair, his hand running up and down her back in near frantic movements.

She stood up on her toes, her hand sliding up higher on his chest as her lips met his ear, her tongue darting out to trace the shell before whispering, "Please". He shuddered and she smiled. No matter what tomorrow would bring, tonight he was most definitely hers.

Seeing her smile, he let a small smirk form and savored the hope that surged threw him.

He leaned down and nibbled gently on her lips, his tongue darting out to trace the small teeth marks he had made causing her lips to plump and swell.

She sighed and leaned her curves into him, parting her lips slightly. He took the invitation and slipped his tongue into her mouth sliding over her teeth and against her own smooth tongue.

She moaned turning into jell-o in his arms as she battled his tongue with her own. The butterflies in her stomach returned full force as he started to take control of her, pushing her towards the bed as he kicked off his shoes and slid his hand from the back of her neck to under her shirt.

As she felt the hard bed hit the back of her knees, something clicked inside her head and she frowned a little into the kiss. She was letting him be in control again, something she had done way too much in the past thinking it would help him.

Maybe in the end it had been one of the worse things she had done, and she was definitely not letting that happen again.

She pushed him back breaking the kiss and opened her eyes to see his puzzled and worried expression; she bit her bottom lip to keep her smile hidden. She was going to make this time different. She wasn't going to lose him the same way again.

She pushed back his old gray trench coat and finally smiled as it slid off his arms and made a heap on the floor. His confusion turned to a smirk and he let the tension in his muscles relax. She wasn't pushing him away. Relief flooded through him as she tugged on the hem of his shirt before finally pulling it up over his head, biting her lip hard, her eyes focused on him in deep concentration.

When the shirt joined his coat on the floor she looked up to see him smirking down at her and she winked at him as she placed her lips on the beating pulse on his neck before moving down to his collarbone tracing her tongue over it as she placed her hands on his shoulders.

She ran her fingertips over his right arm semi tracing his black dragon and smoke designs he had tattooed there as her lips traveled down his chest to his dark brown nipple. She flicked her tongue over it and smiled triumphantly as she heard his breath hiss.

She pulled back a little and tilted her head in an open invitation for his lips to meet hers, which he instantly took. This time instead of letting him take control, she bit his lip hard sucking it gently before swiping her tongue into his mouth for a quick teasing taste. His hands roamed hungrily down her back and over her ass, squeezing gently and pressing down, his fingers brushing the inside of her thighs.

She let out a husky laugh, her fingertips caressing down his chest, her nails scratching him gently causing bumps to appear on his skin before making contact with his pants. She flicked open the button, he let out a raspy breath and she paused. She gripped the top of his pants with one hand and ran her other hand down the front of the rough material pressing gently so she could feel his hard arousal.

"Tease" he growled into her ear biting it gently. She pressed her face into his shoulder and gave a small smirk of her own against his skin as she ran her hand back up the front of his pants, he let out a low moan and she bit his shoulder gently. His hands slid further down her ass and pulled her lower half tighter against him, pressing himself more firmly into her.

Her head fell back at the feel of him pressed so tightly against her. His teeth scraped against her neck and she gasped losing herself for a moment as he quickly unbuttoned her shirt and pushed it from her frail shoulders to join his clothes on the floor.

His hot hand cupped her smooth satin covered breast, his thumb rubbing back and forth over her taut nipple sending a jolt through her spine and liquid heat down to the very core of her being. She pushed him back a little and gazed up at him with lust filled eyes, he felt pride rush in his veins as kissed her lips gently savoring her sweet taste that he had missed so much.

She tugged down on his pants and bit hard on his bottom lip as they fell to his ankles revealing his black boxers. She kissed him hungrily and pushed his shoulder causing him to turn to where his back was to the bed. Pushing harder she broke the kiss, making him fall onto the bed on his back while she remained standing.

He smirked at her and sat up placing his hands on her hips massaging inwards while kissing her stomach gently and tracing her belly button with his tongue. She sighed placing her hands on the top of his head, her fingers running threw his short choppy hair. He dipped his fingers below the waist of her jeans and she moaned.

He glanced up at her through his lashes and felt himself stiffen even more. Her lips were swollen, wet and glistening, her head thrown back, her long hair brushing his fingers, her eyes closed, lashes fanned out and dark against her pale cheeks.

She was surreal, she was his every fantasy, and he knew in that moment that he had never loved anyone more, that he would no longer be so selfish to fall into his own self pity, and that he never would hurt her again.

Sure he had promised all that to her already, in nearly every letter he wrote to her, terrified that this time she wouldn't write back, that there would be no more letters in her familiar, elegant handwriting. That she would finally realize that he was no good and she could do so much better and he then would really be alone. But now, here, with her, his goddess, he knew for a fact that those promises would become reality.

He would become her knight. He would protect her from assholes, even if the asshole was in fact himself, he would protect her. He would not fail her again.

She glanced down at him and caught him watching her intently. She blushed and ran her finger down his forehead tracing the familiar scar, over his bumpy nose and to his soft lips. He caught her finger in his mouth and traced his tongue over the pad causing her lips to part and a soft breath escape. He ran his tongue under her nail and nipped gently at it.

She smiled down at him letting her love shine through her eyes, before pushing him onto his back and crawling on top of him, straddling his waist. His eyes lowered and he took in her form over his and quickly unbuttoned her pants before slowly pulling the zipper down watching her eyes once again turn hazy.

She leaned down and placed her hands on either side of his head before lowering her mouth to his neck, grazing her teeth over his pulse before sucking gently. His hands ran from her waist up her back to the clasp that kept the satin covering her skin in place. With a flick of his wrist it parted and he smoothed his hands up her back and then down again without the interference of her bra.

Squirming down him, she pressed her hips into his and they both let out a simultaneous moan. She rocked gently back and forth against him, kissing his chest and back to his lips. His hands gripped her hips pushing her harder against him before easing his hold and sliding his hand down the open waist of her pants and under her damp panties to cup her soft core. His middle finger slipped inside her and she let out a hoarse moan rocking harder against him.

He felt his control snap and he pushed her off of him and placed himself on top of her ripping off her pants before slowly pulling her dark blue thong down her hips and over her smooth legs. In return she pushed his boxers down before he pulled her back up and slid her bra down her arms until it was all the way off and tossed it somewhere behind his shoulders. She smiled up at him running her hand over his back and up his neck to where her fingers could curl into his hair tugging gently so she could force his gaze to return to hers as she continued to caress down his face and neck coming to rest on his shoulder as he slid into her.

She gasped at the feeling of being complete, of him being so deep inside of her again and of the small sharp pain his action had caused her. Her slick walls adjusted to his hard length and she shifted slightly underneath him trying to ease the sting. It had been so long.

He had his eyes closed tight and beads of sweat had begun to break out on his skin, slowly dripping down his face and over his lips. His tongue darted out swiping at the sweat and she moaned at his small unconscious act, lifting her hips slightly.

His eyes shot open and he stared down at her before moving gently inside of her. Even though it had been so long for him and he was dying to go faster, harder, he didn't want to ruin it for her.

He could tell by how tight she was that she hadn't lied. She had waited for him. He wouldn't have cared either way, but knowing that she had caused him to feel such reverence and love for her that he wanted her to have it anyway she wanted.

Before she had always told him that she wished he would go slower and if that's what she wanted then Hyne be damned that's what he would give.

Her eyes flew open in frustration. What was wrong with him? He was barely moving. Her eyes caught his and she sucked in her breath. The look in his eyes… was he doing this for her?

Her nails dug into his shoulder, damn she didn't want him slow and tender right now, it had been too long for that. She leaned up and kissed him roughly pushing him back hard causing him to slide out of her and fall once again onto his back.

He looked up at her puzzled as she climbed on top of him. She use to hate this position, preferring him to remain in charge, her excuse being he knew what to do better than her and she hated to make mistakes, but now their first time in five years and she was…

His thoughts were cut off as she sank down on him. He moaned lifting his hips causing him to slide deeper into her, his hands reaching up, cupping her soft breasts. She fell over him panting, he lifted her breast to his mouth sucking her nipple in gently flicking his tongue back and forth over it causing her to moan and jerk over him.

Catching her breath she pushed back from him and placed her hands on his chest before rocking back and forth, lifting herself up before sinking down on him.. He felt her urgency and he let out a low growl pushing up roughly with his hips nearly knocking her off of him.

Her nails sunk into his skin as she began to ride him matching his thrusts with her own. Soon their moans were blending together as her walls clenched tight over his length. Tossing her head back and pushing her breast forward and letting out a soft cry, she fell victim to the waves crashing through her. He was right behind her giving one more hard shove before descending into oblivion with his own hoarse cry.

She collapsed on top of him, out of breath and more at peace with herself then she had been in over five years. He kissed her shoulder as he came back to his senses, dragging in a deep unsteady breath.

She snuggled into his chest placing light kisses across his damp skin her hand curled around his shoulder, her hair fanned out over them. He tugged the blanket out from beneath them and placed it over her waist while his other hand made lazy circles on her back.

"Are you staying?" She whispered softly, not raising her head from his chest. He glanced down frowning, "Do you want me to?" her grip tightened over his shoulder, her little nails digging into his skin, "yes."

He let out a relieved sigh before asking cautiously as memories of her bruised on a hospital bed flashed through his mind, "Are you sure?"

She lifted her head from his chest. Her eyes still heavy with pleasure as she kissed his lips gently, "More than anything." He smiled at her before gently pressing her head back down, "I'll be here as long as you want me".

"Okay", she said with a yawn before snuggling deeper into his embrace, "Baby?" she whispered, he looked down at her in surprise assuming she was already asleep, "yeah" he whispered back. "If you ever hit me again, I will make you pay and I will never, ever let you back into my life again."

He shuddered, his heart clenching at her words, "Don't worry I swear it will never happen again, these five years without you were enough. If I ever do, I'll let you have Hyperion and finish me off, k?"

She laughed softly against his skin causing him to clench with need, his length hardening again, dear Hyne he hoped she was ready for another round and not to sore. If she was he would have to excuse himself quickly and make use of the shower. Damn, but a cold shower was the last thing he wanted right now.

"I won't need Hyperion", she looked up at him stretching herself over him, rubbing against him like a satisfied cat, lingering in certain places before giving him a wicked smile, "If there is a next time, I'll use my whip and you won't ever want to touch another woman again." He growled under his breath before closing his eyes in pleasure as she once again slid him back deep inside of her.

"As you wish," was all he was able to reply until sometime late afternoon the next day.

This is based on a true past and a hopeful future fantasy that will possibly play out. By no means am I condoning abused women to go back to their abusers or saying that it's even possible for men like that to change. But like I said, this is my fantasy which is why I never used Seifer or Quistis' names or mention hair and eye color. But of course it is implied, and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out who the characters are lol.

As far as what caused him to snap, to hurt her, well it doesn't seem to take much to make a man of violence resort and turn back to violence when he is at his lowest. Even if it is with someone he "loves". But that in itself is another story all together and not much to do with this fantasy.

Anyway I hope you all enjoyed my little fantasy and please leave reviews to let me know if you did or didn't, after all this was my first attempt at a lemon. ^_-


	3. Fake It

**Author's Note: **This story was never meant to span more than one chapter but it seems, it just keeps growing as I do. I can make no promises to how long this story will span, as of now it will remain as being complete and for all I know, this is the last chapter. Also, reviews are love and I would really appreciate, if you do read this far, that you would please leave a review and let me know what you think.

**Disclaimer: **No matter how I fantasize, the Final Fantasy 8 world will never belong to me, so there will never be a movie or a better romance story line. Sorry guys ;)

* * *

**Fake It**

"_**Fake it, if your out of direction**_

_**Fake it, if you don't belong, yeah**_

_**Fake it, if you feel like infection**_

_**Whoa, you're such a fuckin' hypocrite"**_

**-Fake It Lyrics, By Seether-**

* * *

_**700 Hours, Balamb Garden**_

Quistis slowly stretched her arms above her head, enjoying the burning sensation in her muscles and the feel of the soft cool sheets sliding across her bare body.

Next she flexed her toes, curling them under and then spreading them wide. She let out a soft contented moan before curling back onto her side. Her fingertips brushed against soft, warm skin and she slowly opened her eyes, looking through her lashes at the figure laying next to her.

He was the wrong man. She sighed before scooting closer to his warmth, her forehead bumping against his arm.

He was the right man in so many ways. He had never once hurt her, no matter how hard she pushed him or how mad and frustrated she would make him. He did everything under the sun for her, treated her as if she was a queen, if not better.

He was still the wrong man.

How could someone so right be so wrong?

She raised her hand slowly and cautiously not wanting to arouse him from his sleep and touched her index finger softly to his parted lips, feeling the hot puffs of air before moving up and tapping his nose.

He was everything she had wanted before, and absolutely nothing like what she wanted now.

She reached up and ran her fingers through his dark brown hair, so smooth and soft with added length, so unlike the blond, cropped coarse hair she was longing for.

She sat up, propping herself with her elbow, to better examine his facial features. He had no scars to mar his beauty, just a few freckles splattered here and there over his cheeks and forehead.

She really missed the scars.

Quistis sighed and shifted again before laying her head on his shoulder. She placed her hand tenderly on his chest and ran her palm over the smooth skin to the spot above his heart. She felt his steady beat, solid, slow and strong, but thought of a more erratic beat in a different place at a different time.

She felt a rumble vibrate through his chest and lifted her head up, her blue eyes meeting topaz brown. She smiled warmly up at him trying to war away the thoughts of a vibrant green that used to burn her every time they made eye contact.

Nida smiled as he placed his hand over her own that still lay resting on his chest.

"Good morning Beautiful."

His voice was smooth, just as he was. Not whiskey rough. Her smile widened.

"Good morning, ready to start the day?"

Nida chuckled, the rumble not as deep or sensuous, and lifted her hand off of him before placing a chaste kiss on her forehead.

"I call the shower first this morning."

Quistis sighed in defeat before playfully pushing him as he made his way to get up out of the bed. She tried her hardest to not cringe at the memories of all the shared showers that had happened years ago.

She watched him as he crossed the room, rubbing his chest in a lazy manner before stepping into their bathroom. She listened as the water was turned on and his out of tune singing began. She slowly closed her eyes trying her hardest to not think about how much she had loved hearing another deeper voice coming from that room.

She opened her eyes and sat up in her bed stretching her arms high above her head and arching her back. She reached down to retrieve his discarded shirt off the floor from the day before. Tugging the t-shirt over her head she sighed as she smoothed the fabric down, the shirt barely reached the top of her thighs.

_His_ shirts had been so much bigger and more comfortable.

Glancing at her night table, she quickly checked the bright digital clock. The red letters showed it to be only 7:15. Just another day, like every day.

She started to turn her head but her eyes caught on the picture frame situated slightly at an angle next to their alarm clock. A smile spread over her face at the image.

Keirdan, the most important person in her life, smiled up at her from the worn metal frame. His blond hair sticking up at odd angles, his cheeks rosy and blue eyes vibrant and bright against the dull background.

Her three year old son, the most precious being in her life. She reached for the frame and slowly caressed the rosy cheeks over the glass with her finger, her smile sincere for the first time that morning.

"_No contact!" _

The gruff voice rang clearly in her mind, playing from her too vivid memories, and her smile broke a little, her eyes hurriedly glancing away to keep from crying, before once again turning back to the picture.

He looked so much like his father. So much that sometimes it hurt her to even look at him.

As if summoned by her thoughts she heard a soft lilting voice say. "momma?". Quistis looked up and raised her arms to embrace the adorable 3 year old boy standing by her open door. He immediately broke out into a heartrendingly familiar smile before running into her arms and rubbing his face on her chest in an affectionate way.

She ran her fingers through his coarse choppy hair and smiled. This was what she had been missing.

Keirdan raised his head up, his thick lashes framing his wide blue eyes as they met hers, and raised his chubby little finger to his mother's cheek.

"Yoo wook sad mommy."

Quistis shook her head before smiling tenderly at the little boy that held all that was left of her heart in his tiny palms.

"Mommy's not sad, only tired. Did my baby sleep good last night?"

Keirdan smiled and nodded his head.

"Mommy, I had a deam."

Quistis smiled at her son's adorable speech and pulled him onto her lap, his head falling against her shoulder and his arms wrapping around her neck.

"What did you dream about honey?"

She asked while rubbing his back soothingly between his shoulder blades.

Keirdan pulled back from her and lifted his hand from her shoulder.

"There were ttrreee of us" he said using his fingers to show her three chubby fingers.

"There's always three of us, mommy, Keirdan and Nida."

Quistis replied affectionately running her fingers over his soft cheek.

Keirdan frowned at her and shook his head.

"No Nida."

Quistis pulled back from him puzzled and pushed his blond hair out of his eyes.

"Then who, baby?"

Keirdan shook his head again eyes wide.

"Was it a man or a woman?"

"A man, a BIG man", Keirdan replied throwing his arms open wide in her lap and causing her to dodge his frantic waving as he tried to demonstrate how big, big really was.

Quistis giggled before lightly tickling her son.

"Was it Uncle Squall?"

Keirdan shook his head and giggled, "Nooooooo."

Quistis smiled before kissing his forehead and continuing to run her fingertips gently over his ribs.

"Ummmm Uncle Irvine?"

Keirdan laughed hard this time as her fingers brushed an extra sensitive spot. "N-n-nNnnnoooooo mommy!"

"Well you said he was BIG so it couldn't be Uncle Zell."

She responded in a teasing voice. Keirdan pushed her hand back, his tiny face turning serious, Quistis frowned at the sudden tension that filled her son.

"Not Uncwa Sell, but he had da same hair. But more wike mines."

Quistis raised an eyebrow as she racked her mind trying to think of who her son knew that was blond and a male. Keirdan excited with the progress bounced up and down in her lap.

"He was BIG mommy, almost wike da knights you wead to me abooout!"

Quistis smiled at her son, ah, that's right the knight in his favorite book was blond.

"Did Sir Cloud come and rescue us?"

Keirdan frowned at his mom and poked her.

"Not Cwoud mommy, diffant man. Dis one bigger, and swonger. And he woves me, he told me so."

Quistis hugged her son close, "Of course he does baby, everyone loves Keirdan."

"He woves yoo too mommy. More dan Nida."

Quistis quickly pulled back from him and assessed his smiling face.

"No one loves mommy more than you and Nida", she said quietly her mind suddenly taking a treacherous turn back to a phone call and the rough voice that had said, "_I understand no contact Quistis, but dammit, I still love you" _before the click that had signaled the end of the call and the shattering of her heart.

"Dis man does."

Keirdan said confidently, snatching her away from the memories she had tried to bury deep within herself.

The bathroom door swung open and Nida stepped into the room followed by the steam from his shower. He was completely dressed and ready to go. He tugged the bottom of his uniform into place and stretched before smiling slyly at Quistis while rubbing the back of his neck.

"Um I hope I didn't use all of the hot water Quis, it was a lot more relaxing than I realized."

Quistis shook her head and continued to stare mutely at her son who was now looking up at Nida questioningly.

Nida noticing the child in her lap smiled and said, "Ah ha! There's my most favorite person in the world", before picking Keirdan up out of her lap and swinging him around in a circle.

"Let's go get you dressed little man so momma can get up and ready."

Keirdan giggled and nodded.

"Huwwy up mommy! I want paaancaaakes!"

Quistis smiled and nodded at her son in agreement before walking into the foggy bathroom and starting her cold shower.

No one loved her more than Nida, right?

* * *

**1300 hours, Techniques and Strategy Class 101**

Quistis rushed into her classroom, worrying about getting ready in time before her students started to mosey into the room. She had been daydreaming during lunch and not realized how much time had slipped away much to the bemusement of her friends.

"_Quisty was Nida that good last night?" Rinoa had teased poking her friend in her side and dragging her away from her thoughts of a certain blond, green eyed knight. _

_Quistis blushed and shook her head ashamed at the direction her thoughts had really been. Next to her Selphie giggled while bouncing her newborn baby girl in her lap, "Ooooh Rinny I think you hit the mark! Look at Quistis blush! I haven't seen her do that in years!"_

_Quistis looked taken back by that statement. Had it really been years? Rinoa noticing her friends sudden distress patted her hand affectionately, "Not really years Quisty," she said in a soft voice, "it's just that you've been so stressed lately with work and Keirdan you just haven't had the time to in awhile."_

_Quistis shifted in her seat nervously before nodding in agreement and clearing her throat. Another instructor passing by her chair tapped her on the shoulder and pointed at his watch, "C'mon Quis, time to go face the next great generation and beat some knowledge into their noggins. We're already running a little behind darlin."_

_Quistis smiled up at Irvine as Selphie beamed up at her husband before frowning. "I wish you would beat their heads instead of try and flirt their skirts off."_

_Irvine coughed into his hand and shook his head in denial at his wife's remark. "Aw honey, there ain't no one else in this whole wide world for me but you."_

_Rinoa giggled as Selphie handed her their baby Rosette, while narrowing her eyes at Irvine. "You better not be looking up those girls' skirts that sit in your front row while you're sitting all nonchalant at your desk."_

_Irvine started to rub the back of his neck sheepishly, "Now Selphie..." luckily he was interrupted by the soft ding over the intercom alerting everyone that they needed to start back to class. He quickly grasped Quistis' arm and pulled her out of her chair, "C'mon darlin, we can't be late." _

_Quistis laughed in amusement as Selphie jumped out of her chair yelling at their retreating backs, "I've got my eyes on you Irvine Kinneas! You better watch it Mister!"_

Quistis shook her head in reminiscent of the odd couple as she straitened her notes and placed the sharpened pencils and capped pens in a neat line by size order.

"_So fuckin' perfect Trepe everything just fuckin' perfectly in order. I'm gonna help you loosen up some, let's go make a sloppy mess together in those fuckin' white pristine sheets of yours" _the rough voice whispered in her mind causing her to shiver and her hand to shake and scatter the writing utensils.

She watched fascinated as one of the pencils rolled to the end of her desk before falling to the floor, clattering against the linoleum. A sloppy mess?

Why was he on her mind so much today?

"Miss Trepe! Let me get that for you!" Quistis jumped at the voice of one of her students as he scrambled to pick up the pencil from the floor and place it gently back on her desk. She smiled in gratitude at him as he blushed before mumbling and turning towards his desk.

Glancing around her class she noticed a few others slip in and quietly take their seats. She nodded at each of them as she sat down at her desk once again straitening her pencils and pens.

A knock at her door caused her to jerk and the pencils went rolling again. She was most definitely a sloppy mess today.

"Instructor Trepe, I'm here to be your sub today, you've been requested to meet with Commander Leonheart in his office immediately."

Quistis sighed as she stood up from her desk and smoothed her hands down her jacket before fixing her glasses on her nose. She smiled at the young sub and informed her of the class plan and then turned to give her students a stern speech on how to behave for the sub before exiting her classroom.

As she made her way down the hallway to the elevator she wondered why Squall needed to see her. All of her students had passed the last Seed field exam. She had been working hard on keeping her students top notch since re-requiring her license. She wanted to prove her worth especially since the promotion was only given to her in pity for her loss. There really wasn't any need for him to see her.

She stopped in front of the elevator and pressed the up button and waited for the doors to slide open. As the ding sounded and the doors slid apart, anxiety gripped her and she clenched her fist tight. Had something happened to Keirdan?

He had just recently started the special day care reserved for the members of Garden who had family and had planned for their children to be raised as future Seed. As sweet and as smart as Keirdan was, he was also known for being one of the more aggressive amongst the children.

She rushed into the elevator and pressed the button for the top level. She stepped back and began to wring and twist her hands. Dear Hyne, don't let this concern my son.

Her stomach was in knots when she finally reached the door to Squall's office, her palms damp with sweat. Nervously she brushed her hands down her skirt and reached for the knob. Pushing open the door she stepped into the bleak office and spotted Squall sitting at his desk, elbows propped on the desk and his head in his hands. She swallowed hard and approached him cautiously.

"Sir, I heard you requested to speak to me."

Squall raised his head from his hands and nodded towards the chair in front of her.

"Take a seat Quistis, and please remember that I am still your friend", he chided her. Quistis raised an eyebrow warily at him as she sat remembering one of the last times she had been in here. The experience had not been so happy or memorable.

She watched him as he shuffled a few files on his desk before finding what he was looking for. He pulled the folder out from under the stack of files and drummed his fingers against it, his features hard and his jaw clenched as he glared down at the file almost as if he was offended by it's existence.

She cleared her throat and shifted nervously in her seat, placing her hands on top of her lap. Squall glanced up at her and sighed before finally pushing the folder across the desk towards her.

"This is more your concern than it is Garden's, so I feel like I should show you this before I make any decisions."

Quistis' eyes widened and she glanced down at the seemingly harmless folder in front of her. As she raised her hand to reach for it, Squall pushed away from his desk and stood up agitated and walked to the only window in his office.

She placed her hand on the folder and slid it off his desk and into her lap. What was in this folder to cause Squall to act in such an odd way? She hadn't seen him like this since she had been here with _him_, crying her eyes out and begging for a different sentence.

Slowly, she opened the folder her heart racing as she glanced back up at Squall. He had his head bent down and his eyes tightly closed. Taking a deep breath she looked back down. There was a plain sheet of paper, completely blank except for one name, Seifer Almasy.

"What is this Squall?"

Squall flinched at the way her voice sounded, hoarse and forced. "Just... just keep looking Quistis."

Quistis lifted her hand only to notice how bad her fingers were shaking. She took another deep breath and turned the page only to see his face. She gasped as her eyes devoured every detail of him she could see. The photographer had been at a distance but she could still see his full lips, strong nose and his slightly longer blond hair. She could faintly see the end of his scar. Her eyes started to sting and she made a quick swipe to make sure no tears had fallen. It had been so long.

Again she asked, "what is this about Squall?" Her voice nothing but a whisper. He still heard her and his heart clenched for his friend. She had enough heartbreak and he felt terrible about dropping yet another bomb on her fragile heart.

"He was seen yesterday, here in Balamb."

Quistis, her eyes still fixated on his blurred image raised her hand to her throat feeling how her pulse was jumping. "Why?" She whispered.

"That has yet to be confirmed. Quistis, there's more. Keep looking."

She picked up the picture and held it in her hand for a minute before turning it over and laying it face down on Squall's desk. The next picture left her gasping for air, her chest feeling as if it was caving in on itself.

It was Seifer, in full gorgeous detail, bright green eyes staring into her own, trademark smirk firmly in place. His scar, while slightly diminished and not as red, still etched clearly across his face. He hadn't changed much in the past two and a half years. His hair was slightly longer, his clothes more civilian than a Seed's uniform or battle gear. And in his hand... was another person's hand.

Quistis let out a small cry, feeling light headed and dizzy. He was here, so very close to her, but he was with someone else.

The girl was pretty. Petite and fragile in a way Quistis had never been. Her hair was dark and her eyes an even darker shade of blue. Her smile was open and wide her emotions clear in her eyes. This girl was very noticeably happy with him and most definitely in love. Her face radiated with the glow Quistis had felt oh so long ago.

She quickly closed the file and slid back into her seat, slumping the same way her students always did.

She had moved on, of course he must have done so as well.

Taking off her glasses she rubbed her forehead closing her eyes to try and keep the tears at bay. It was not supposed to hurt this bad. Sighing she pushed the folder back onto Squall's desk and as far away from her person as she could.

"Why did I need to see this file, Squall? I am forbidden to make contact."

Squall turned from the window, his eyes when they met hers were overflowing with sympathy. She frowned at him. She really did not want any kind of emotion from him.

He shifted uneasily before clearing his throat and placing his hands on his hips. "We're not sure of his motive Quistis. He was forbidden to return to Balamb, to do so must mean either he's conspiring or trying to gather information."

Quistis eyed Squall warily, crossing her arms over her chest. "What does any of this have to do with me?"

Squall sighed before sitting back down in his chair. "I need you to find out to what purpose he has come here."

Quistis jumped out of her seat, her blue eyes flashing angrily at him before slamming her hand down onto his desk.

"Hell no! You forbade me to ever make contact with the father of my child, kept him from me in every possible way and now, now that he's here with some other woman you want me to go down there and spy on him to figure out his motives! Are you really that insane Squall? I refuse, go find some one else to play games for you."

Squall sat back in his chair and placed his hand on his stomach. "Who do you know Quistis, that would actually be on Seifer's side about any of this? If he shows up here at Garden he will be arrested again and tried for treason. I don't think you would want that to happen. No one else will care enough to keep him from harm, most of the people I know would be more than glad to expose him and have him arrested. As of right now, you are his only hope."

Quistis frowned at him before placing her hands on his desk and leaning down, "Why do you care? You were the one who sent him away in the first place, what do you care if he's arrested?"

Squall raised an eyebrow at her before running his hand through his hair and breaking eye contact with her.

"You may have everyone else fooled Quistis, but I'm not."

Quistis regarded him with disdain and utter disbelief, what in Hyne's name was he talking about.

Squall sighed before rubbing his hand over his face and pinching his nose.

"You're not happy Quis, you don't love Nida and every time you look at your son there's this longing in your eyes. Every one of your smiles in the past few years, when not directed towards Keirdan, have been fake as hell. I'm trying to give you the chance to put your past behind you. To make amends, and also to figure out what the hell Almasy is doing back here. He has to be insane to come back, something must have happened and I need you to find out why and what. I honestly feel that you're the only one that has enough hold over him to figure out his motives, and care enough that he gets his final warning."

Quistis stepped back from his desk, her hands shaking and tears welling in her eyes, threatening to spill over at any given moment. Squall had seen past her facade, emotionless, heartless Squall had seen through her fake laughs and smiles. And now he wanted her to confront the man she had been longing for these long, lonely years.

There was only one thing she could do or say. And she knew he had known that the moment she stepped through his door.

"Commander Leonheart, when should I commence the mission."

* * *

**1800 hours, Balamb**

Quistis stepped out of her car clutching her purse tight. She glanced nervously around the outside of the hotel taking note of any suspicious shadows or out of place people. All she could see was the old doorman watching her equally as suspicious and the skinny little bell hop boy bouncing in place on his feet anxiously.

She sighed before pressing the button on her key chain to lock her car and glanced down at her chosen ensemble.

Needless to say, Nida had not been pleased. Honestly she quite liked the tight skinny jeans and loose black spaghetti strapped shirt that was tied around her bust with a red ribbon that fell down in soft loose waves and ended in an elegant shark bite design

She had let her hair down, hoping that it would shield her face, and also make her less noticeable or at the very least not as easy to identify. It had grown longer in the past few years, now ending in soft waves down to her waist. He used to love her hair, running his fingers through it's length and playing with the ends. _"Look Quis, your hair turns pure gold when the light hits it this way", _he had said once before brushing the lock across his lips.

Keirdan loved her hair as well. Always tangling his chubby little fingers in it. She frowned as she remembered her son's parting words as she had dropped him off with Rinoa to watch for the night. "Yoo wook booteeful mommy, he's going to dink so too."

She had bent down to be eye level with her baby her eyes searching his bright blue eyes in question before asking, "Who Keirdan?" He had smiled so lovingly at her before hugging her and whispering in her ear, "da man fwom my deam mommy" before pulling away and laughing as he turned to chase Rinoa and Squall's youngest daughter.

Quistis had been mystified and baffled at her son's remark. How could he remember his dream so vividly? And who was this man? Surely not his father, he had not seen him since he was 6 months old. Was it some weird coincidence that Keirdan had this dream on the same day Seifer returned? Was Hyne playing some kind of cruel joke with her?

Feeling eyes burning into her back she turned to see the old man regarding her with a frown marring his face, deepening the wrinkles that lined his eyes and mouth. She smiled awkwardly at him, how odd she must look just standing by her car lost in thought outside of a 2 story hotel.

She quickly pulled her hair down around her face and straightened her shoulders before making her way to the revolving doors. Had it really only been 3 and a half years ago she had made a similar trip to a hotel to meet him? Only this time she was here to do recon, not for pleasure. Plus he was here with another woman.

Just thinking about it caused her heart to jump into her throat, she swallowed it back down as she made her way to the front desk, quietly requesting a room with a single bed for the night. The girl behind the desk eyed her up and down questioningly, before asking for her card. Quistis quickly handed it to her and averted her gaze quietly praying the girl did not recognize her. She was glad she had decided at the last minute to trade her wire rimmed glasses for contacts as that probably would have tipped her off immediately.

The girl handed back her card and went to retrieve the key card for Quistis' requested room. Quistis nervously scanned the room to make sure Seifer had not made his way to the main foyer while she had her back turned. Seeing no sign of the knight, she turned back to the desk in time to see the girl watching her curiously and holding out her card. Quistis took it with a smile winking at the girl.

"I'm here to secretly see my boyfriend."

The girl's eyes widened and a smile lit her face loosing all of the previous curiosity, she anxiously leaned across the desk, "Do you see him?"

Quistis smiled and leaned closer to the girl as she shook her head, "No, but maybe you have? He's about 6'4 with green eyes, blond hair and a scar from here," Quistis put her finger above her right eye and moved down to her left cheek, "to here."

The girl leaned back a small frown appearing on her face as she slowly nodded. "Yes he's here, he came with another woman yesterday. I saw him walk through here awhile ago alone, he headed over there to the bar." The girl gestured to a high arch doorway that led to a dimly lit room.

Quistis forced a smile and thanked the girl, before turning in the direction the girl had pointed. She tried to calm her racing heart and had to concentrate on every step she took that led her to where he was waiting, probably taking a shot of whiskey with no concern about her walking into the room.

As soon as she stepped into the room she was hit with the smell of cigarettes. She coughed quietly, caught unaware by the cloying smell as she hadn't been around much smoke in over two years. Quickly ducking her head to cover her cough and to keep from being noticed, she made her way to the back corner of the room pressing against the wall.

Sitting down at a small table and placing her purse on the floor next to her, she quickly analyzed the room. There was a couple sitting close together at a private booth and three men sitting at the bar with their backs to her.

The one closest to her had his head down on his arms and snoring loudly a shot of whiskey still clenched in his fist. The second was cursing at the bartender, calling for another beer.

She swallowed hard before turning her attention to the third man. His back was straight one hand idle in his lap the other, elbow propped on the bar a cigarette lit in his hand the smoke billowing over his blond head, somehow so mysterious in the dimly lit room.

Her breath caught and she almost felt like she was hyperventilating, after so long, he was right there sitting less than ten feet from her and she couldn't even reach for him. Tears began to burn her eyes and she was almost positive it was not from the smoke.

"What would you like to drink ma'am?"

Quistis gasped as she placed her hand over her heart before looking up at the server. She had been so enthralled with studying his back she had never noticed the bartender walk over to her.

"J-just a margarita, please. Lime with lots of salt."

The bartender nodded sharply before heading back to the bar to make her requested drink. Quistis looked down silently berating herself for not paying closer attention to her surroundings, she was here for a mission, not to gawk.

She looked up just in time to see the server make his way to her table and gently set down her drink, she reached for her purse to pay but he stopped her with a shake of his head.

"Don't worry about it ma'am, the gent over there already covered it for you."

Quistis' eyes narrowed before she quickly scanned the bar, the first guy was still passed out, the second still slurring curse words and Seifer, was gone?

Damn, shit, fuck. Had she blown her cover already?

"There is no fucking way you could walk into any damn room and I wouldn't feel your presence, Trepe."

The rough voice washed over her causing her heart to thump hard in her chest, she turned to see him leaning against the wall arms crossed as his fiery green eyes stayed trained on her.

"Seifer," she whispered placing her hand back onto the table. He kicked himself off the wall and made his way to the seat across from her. He grabbed an ashtray from a different table and plopped it down before sitting, he flicked his cigarette into the tray and leaned back into his chair.

She watched him her eyes half mast trying to reign in all of the feelings that were threatening to overwhelm her. She cleared her throat and moved her eyes to her drink, she picked it up and took a small sip before placing the drink back down her fingertips rubbing back and forth on the stem of the glass nervously.

"What are you doing here Quistis? Its not like you to come to hazy dark bars and order a drink."

She glanced back up at him, his face was emotionless his eyes steady on her. "I heard you were here, Squall sent me to find out why."

Seifer regarded her with a raised eyebrow, "Puberty boy sent you" he pointed carelessly at her, "for me", he pointed back at himself, "after saying we could have no contact with each other?"

Quistis smiled uneasily, "That's exactly what I said when he told me, but it's not like I could say no."

Seifer tilted his head to the side and watched her for a minute before leaning his elbows onto the table, "Why is that Trepe, I heard you've been busy with Nida. I'm surprised you even had the time to do this little mission."

Tears filled her eyes and she quickly looked away from him before hoarsely replying, "It's not like that Seifer, nothing like that."

He sat back and smirked as he crossed his arms over his chest, "Oh yeah? What's it like then? He just your fucking cute little sex toy or some shit."

Quistis glared at him, "it's not like that either, don't you dare act all high and mighty, I saw the pretty brunette you came here with."

Seifer laughed uncrossing his arms and picking up his abandoned cigarette, he dug in his pocket and brought out his lighter relighting his cigarette and taking a big puff.

Quistis frowned at him, "I thought you quit, ya know, after prison."

Seifer raised an eyebrow and shook his head, "I needed something to do after I left."

Quistis quickly looked away from him and grabbed her drink again, this time taking a larger gulp.

"Why are you back?"

She asked quietly still not looking at him, her gaze fixed on the slurring drunk who was now attempting to dance to the barely audible music.

She heard him sigh, "straight to business, right Quistis? I'm here for personal reasons that has absolutely nothing to do with Garden or your pretty little head."

She looked back at him. Seifer's eyes had yet to leave her face. He watched her with no emotion and it reminded her of how he had started to make her feel before he left, as if he was getting bored with her as if he just didn't care anymore.

She hadn't wanted to believe it, but maybe her initial feelings were right, maybe he had stopped loving her a long time ago and him being banished just brought around the inevitable.

She had one thing she knew he cared about at least. She leaned forward her arms clasped in front of her on the table.

"Keirdan is doing great, he's the spitting image of you. Much of his personality mirrors yours as well. He even had a dream about you last night."

She watched him carefully looking for any sign of apprehension or love or really and kind of emotion. His jaw clenched but other than that he stayed stoic under her gaze.

"I bet he's smart like you. How does he get along with your boyfriend?"

Quistis shook her head, "he knows Nida is not his father, but they do love each other."

Seifer closed his eyes but quickly re-opened them again, if she didn't know him as well as she did she would've never seen the flash of pain that had flared in his green eyes for that split second.

"Seifer" she whispered softly her hand reaching out for him uncontrollably feeling the need to comfort him, he pulled back from her causing the hurt to flare to life inside of her. She was sure her eyes showed a lot more than his did.

"What about you Quistis, do you love him?"

This is what it all boiled down to, she could fake to her friends, fake in front of her son, fake everything she felt for Nida, but could she do it in front of him?

Could she make him believe she loved another man that she never had?

Before she could answer him arms slid around his shoulders and hands brushed down his chest. "Hello baby", a honey filled voice whispered seductively into his ear just loud enough for her to hear.

She shifted in her chair uncomfortably and quickly drained what was left of her margarita.

"Angela, I think you should meet Quistis. She's one of my old... companions."

Quistis' eyes flared with hurt and pain as he passed her off so effortlessly as nothing more than a friend, no not even that, but a mere acquaintance. She cut her eyes from him to the pretty brunette and smiled another fake smile, while offering the girl her hand in greeting.

Angela took her hand and smiled at her before turning her attention back to Seifer, "I just came down to see what was taking you so long, but now that I see, I guess I'll return to our room."

Quistis quickly stood up nearly knocking her chair over in her haste to leave, "No, that's fine, you stay. I just remembered I need to make a quick phone call to check on my son."

She excused herself taking one last glance at Seifer before rushing out of the room, nearly tripping over herself as she made her way to the elevators. She pressed the up button repeatedly, choking back tears not stopping until she heard the soft ding. Not even waiting for the elevator doors to completely open she pushed her way in and pressed the close door button. Once the doors closed and the elevator started to whir and move she fell against the wall raggedly, beating her hand over her heart.

Did Seifer feel the same way about Angela he had her? Did he hold her close at night and whisper he loves her into her ear? Did he act like an over protective asshole anytime a man approaches her? Did he franticly push her against walls to make love to her the same way he had done with her?

As if in a daze Quistis stared at the mauve painted walls in the elevator and then at the mirror that spanned the back, showing her the reflection of the most broken woman she had ever seen.

The elevator dinged again and the doors opened, Quistis turned and walked stiffly out and down the hall to the room she had rented. She stopped in front of the door and reached for her purse and key card, only to realize she didn't have it. Shit.

She leaned against the door, pressing her forehead against the hard wood and began to cry. She balled her hands and began to pound on the door, tears sliding down her face and falling to her feet silently.

Why did this have to happen to her?

What had she done to deserve this?

She began to slide down the door the tears falling faster as her knees weakened from her pain.

Hyne damn. There was no way she was going to get back up from this. Every fake smile she had made in the past two years, every lie she had said, was all for nothing now.

She closed her eyes and cried silently, her fist clenching her hair tightly, her mind reeling, her world shifting beneath her feet until she felt nothing but air.

Confused, she suddenly realized that in the midst of her tears someone had wrapped their arms under her knees and behind her back.

Embarrassed that she had been so lost in her pain she hadn't even noticed someone walk up much less touch her, she looked up to thank the person pitying her only to gasp in surprise.

"Seifer?"

His green eyes met hers and he nodded his head back towards the elevators. "You left your bag at the bar and the desk girl was only too glad to tell me which room was yours."

Quistis scrubbed her eyes and brushed her tears away, "I'm sorry, I lied and told her I was here to secretly have a rendezvous with you."

Seifer smirked before slowly letting her down and reaching into her purse that was still slung over his lower arm. He pulled out her card key and swiped it through the slot. The door opened and he picked her up again to her amazement and carried her effortlessly into her room.

He kicked the door shut behind him and carried her across the room and to her bed, carefully setting her down before searching her room cautiously.

She watched him wide eyed and confused as he finally turned his searing gaze back to hers.

"Doesn't look like Puberty Boy bugged your room."

Quistis shook her head, "He couldn't have, the mission wasn't planned and was made in too much of a hurry to organize details."

Seifer nodded his head in agreement before walking to double check the corners just in case. Quistis kicked off her sandals and pulled her feet onto the bed and tucked them under her as she watched him search the room thoroughly. She was so confused as to what exactly was happening that she was having a hard time forming a coherent thought.

Seifer apparently satisfied with his search turned back to her and crossed the room to stand in front of her bed, arms crossed.

"You don't love him do you."

Quistis looked away from him and shook her head.

"Look at me Quistis, and tell me you don't love him."

Quistis sighed before turning her eyes to him, emotion filling her blue eyes with tears again.

"I have never, and never will, love Nida."

Seifer let out a breath she hadn't realized he was holding in and let his arms drop to his sides.

"Fuck, Quistis, why are you with him then?"

Quistis shook her head and looked away from him again.

"At first everyone treated me as if I was made of glass, they would pat my hands and say poor dear. Then the pity turned into judgment. Why was I still waiting for the man that tried to kill me and betray the Garden? I started getting pressured into dating and questions on whether or not I was still sane. Nida, well he was safe. There is no way I could ever fall in love with him but he was comfortable enough to be with."

Seifer looked away from her, she could see his jaw clenching and releasing, his teeth grinding together as he worked through everything she had just told him.

"So he was a convenience."

Quistis nodded her head silently in affirmation, the guilt bubbling inside of her for what she had done to Nida. Not that she didn't think a part of him knew she still loved Seifer. The one time he had asked her about it she had been truthful with him and told him she thought she would never be over Seifer.

After that he had never asked again and she had never volunteered.

Seifer sat down on the bed in front of her and reached for her hand. She tried to stop the shiver and shock that went through her at his touch but found herself unable to. She stared down as his large hand enveloped over hers.

"Angela is not my girlfriend", he said hoarsely. Quistis looked up at him in shock her mouth forming an "o".

"I've been planning this since I left. I knew Puberty Boy would see me being here as a threat to his campaign and I knew he would send you cause he's smart enough to know that no one but you could ever force me to do anything."

Quistis eyes widened, and her jaw dropped farther, "But, but Angela?"

He looked away from her guiltily, "I snuck into Garden a month ago and saw you with Nida, I wanted to make sure that you weren't in love with him."

Quistis was dumbfounded, he had been to Garden? He had seen her and Nida and Keirdan?

"I paid Angela to pretend to be my girlfriend to see if you loved him as much as you looked like you did. If you had been in love with him, I would've probably gone crazy. But seeing you cry outside of your door and the way you acted downstairs. You don't love him Quistis. No fucking way."

Quistis shook her head.

"Come away with me Trepe. I have a house now, on the beach. It's big enough for me, you and Keirdan. Hell I even have a dog. Her name is Bitch, kinda inappropriate, I guess you can rename her for me."

He smiled cautiously at her. Quistis opened and closed her mouth repeatedly, a thousand different thoughts flying around in her head.

"Come with me Quistis, let's get married like we always dreamed about."

* * *

That's it for now folks! This ended up being a lot longer than I had imagined. Leave me a review please ^_^


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